10.18.2007
Time to face your tags
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A few things every woman ought to admit:
- ESPN is not a go-to channel, but it’s extremely sexy when men cheer, high-five and even sing fight songs after a touchdown. It’s a testosterone-fueled oxymoron. And it’s wonderful.
- Even if Mom disagrees, it is OK to wear black with brown, pink with red and gold with silver.
- They’re incredibly unhealthy for you, but “bad” boys, cheesecake and lying around the house in pajamas are worth it sometimes.
- There comes a time when you can’t wear the size clothing you used to, and there comes a time when you shouldn’t wear those sizes.
It happens daily; 35-year-olds browsing through the juniors section, moms and grandmas wearing tube tops.
Ladies, when it’s time to pack it up and move it to the Misses Department, just admit it.
There’s always the argument that some women are just too tiny to shop where normal-sized women do.
Poor things.
In this instance, shopping in the juniors department for nonscandalous clothing is acceptable.
That means avoiding revealing halter tops, mini-skirts and a size 2 when you’re really about a 6. That’s a basic rule most women should follow, but one post-college-aged women should adhere to. Just because you can wear it doesn’t mean you should.
It’s hard (and a little creepy) to imagine pushing your baby through the park in stilettos and Daisy Dukes, or going on a job interview dressed in a Christina-Aguilera-before-she-stopped-being-trampy type outfit.
Who can take that person seriously?
“Ah, yes ma’am, I see you’re interested in our open sales position.” (Stifled laughter.) “How would you attract new clients to our business?”
“Well,” (chomping on gum), “I have like, so many talents. And like, my sign is Leo, which means I’m way outgoing and totally meant for this type of job.”
“Excuse me, miss, but aren’t you about a size 6? Should you be wearing such small pants? Our clients aren’t down with butt cleavage.”
If the you-look-ridiculous argument isn’t persuasive enough, how about the stores-for-high-school-girls-are-annoying argument?
Walking past an Abercrombie & Fitch or stores of its kind is headache-inducing. The smell of cologne-soaked prepubescence is stifling, not to mention blaring techno remixes that feature a lone bass beat and an electronic voice repeating “Cuz I’m the one, baby, I’m the one,” or “Watch me dance, baby, watch me dance,” or “I’m a size 00, baby, I’m a size 00.”
If you’re old enough to remember “Saved by the Bell” before it went into syndication or ever owned an MC Hammer cassette (because back then, CDs were rare and mp3s were unheard of), you’re too old to step foot into such stores.
The lesson here is that it’s OK to start shopping for “big girl” clothes, which involves a little more sense and a little less skin.
There comes a time when a woman needs to admit she’s a woman - not a teenager, not a pop singer and not a streetwalker.
Embrace womanhood, don’t squeeze it into your daughter’s low-rise jeans.