Lay off the gong or I’ll call the law

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In 1971, British rockers T. Rex, lead by singer Marc Bolan, encouraged listeners in their second U.K. No. 1 song to “get it on, bang a gong, get it on.”

In my hometown, that could be subject to a $50 fine. I am referring only to the gong part. There is currently no ordinance against getting it on. 

smack

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Just wait, the system’s going to nail me

Chances are, I will be shot in the head with a nail gun.

It happened to Shawnee, Kan., resident George Chandler, so why wouldn’t it happen to me? 

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Someone get a plunger, there’s a galactic clog

The intergalactic keg party is in jeopardy. That’s because someone clogged the space toilet. 

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Shiver me earwax spoon, matey

Thank goodness divers off the Florida Keys found my 385-year-old gold toothpick and earwax spoon.

I’ve been looking for that sucker everywhere. 

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